Today’s Resolution: Learn a New Language, Even If Just The Swear Words

“The Babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the universe. It feeds on brain wave energy, absorbing all unconscious frequencies and then excreting telepathically a matrix formed from the conscious frequencies and nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain, the practical upshot of which is that if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language: the speech you hear decodes the brain wave matrix.” As told by  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Now you know where the infamous Babelfish language translator derived from!

There’s something so awesome about speaking several different languages, even if you only know a few lines. Maybe you’ll never visit China and “New York” is technically an accent, but hey whatever works for you. Irish Gaelic? Klingon? Whatever you want, go for it. There’s Rosetta StoneBBC Languages and LiveMocha but if you’re a romantic, check out TripLingo Romance Edition.

If you’re an even bigger romantic, you’re wanna learn how to sign a Jason Mraz song:

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Today’s Resolution: Lay Off The Sweets

I’m the farthest thing from a health-nut, though I do believe that fruit is nature’s candy and it could definitely get me into trouble with the amount I’d consume if you let me. Soda is another sweet that everyone (myself previously included) drinks without considering the liquid calories that pay off in no way, shape or form.

In fact, read 3 Surprising Reasons to Give Up Soda if you need help giving it up. High-fructose corn syrup is barely 20 years old, and nobody has tested the long-term effects but according to the article, genetically engineered crops used to make the stuff are known to cause accelerated aging and infertility. Suddenly I’m glad my mom never kept soda in the house. She’s also obsessed with Jorge Cruise and The Belly Fat Cure which basically says that when you cut out sugar, you lose tons of weight. I tend to believe it.

Enough preaching though. Today’s resolution is only for one day. Lay off the sweets. Replace them with whatever you  want.

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Today’s Resolution: Remove All Emotions from Decision-Making

Our ancestors were trained to hunt, kill, and build things. They did noble deeds like building houses and killing animals. Survival, rather than emotion, was the playing card to every decision. Nobody wondered, “if I stay out late killing a bear tonight, will my wife be mad?” No, they thought, “My family is hungry, I better go kill a bear or something”. And when he came home late with a some bear meat in hand, did his wife consider divorcing him for not giving her a heads up? Nah.

Thankfully we live in more respectful times than those, but there’s a lot to be said about eliminating emotions from the decisions you make. Anxiety, worry and fears often come into play and keep you from making the right decision, often aiding in the wrong decisions. So don’t forget your morals or anything, but today, when a decision comes up that causes you anxiety, worry or guilt, make the right decision, and do it fast. When emotion begins to build up, think of something else for a moment and let it dissolve.

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Today’s Resolution: Say Something Nice to Everyone You Meet

Compliments rock, right? When someone says “hey I like your shoes” or “have you lost weight” it’s pretty hard not to like that person. Suddenly, Suzie-chews-with-her-mouth-open isn’t so bad and when someone calls her out in a gossip gab-fest you find yourself saying the famous line of, “well she’s always been really nice to me”.

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Today’s Resolution: Make Yourself Laugh

Your number one goal today is to laugh. Faking a laugh would be fun (to watch) and all but let’s face it — there’s a junkload more ways to slap a toothy grin on your face. Watch a funny movie, go see a comedy show, think of a handful of funny things that always make you laugh out loud, read Twitter, read Facebook, watch silly cat videos, browse DamnYouAutocorrecteBaum’s World, and about a billion memes out there. You’ve got an arsenal, now laugh your brains out!

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