Resolutions

Today’s Resolution: Learn a New Language, Even If Just The Swear Words

“The Babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the universe. It feeds on brain wave energy, absorbing all unconscious frequencies and then excreting telepathically a matrix formed from the conscious frequencies and nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain, the practical upshot of which is that if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language: the speech you hear decodes the brain wave matrix.” As told by  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Now you know where the infamous Babelfish language translator derived from!

There’s something so awesome about speaking several different languages, even if you only know a few lines. Maybe you’ll never visit China and “New York” is technically an accent, but hey whatever works for you. Irish Gaelic? Klingon? Whatever you want, go for it. There’s Rosetta StoneBBC Languages and LiveMocha but if you’re a romantic, check out TripLingo Romance Edition.

If you’re an even bigger romantic, you’re wanna learn how to sign a Jason Mraz song:

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Today’s Resolution: Lay Off The Sweets

I’m the farthest thing from a health-nut, though I do believe that fruit is nature’s candy and it could definitely get me into trouble with the amount I’d consume if you let me. Soda is another sweet that everyone (myself previously included) drinks without considering the liquid calories that pay off in no way, shape or form.

In fact, read 3 Surprising Reasons to Give Up Soda if you need help giving it up. High-fructose corn syrup is barely 20 years old, and nobody has tested the long-term effects but according to the article, genetically engineered crops used to make the stuff are known to cause accelerated aging and infertility. Suddenly I’m glad my mom never kept soda in the house. She’s also obsessed with Jorge Cruise and The Belly Fat Cure which basically says that when you cut out sugar, you lose tons of weight. I tend to believe it.

Enough preaching though. Today’s resolution is only for one day. Lay off the sweets. Replace them with whatever you  want.

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Today’s Resolution: Remove All Emotions from Decision-Making

Our ancestors were trained to hunt, kill, and build things. They did noble deeds like building houses and killing animals. Survival, rather than emotion, was the playing card to every decision. Nobody wondered, “if I stay out late killing a bear tonight, will my wife be mad?” No, they thought, “My family is hungry, I better go kill a bear or something”. And when he came home late with a some bear meat in hand, did his wife consider divorcing him for not giving her a heads up? Nah.

Thankfully we live in more respectful times than those, but there’s a lot to be said about eliminating emotions from the decisions you make. Anxiety, worry and fears often come into play and keep you from making the right decision, often aiding in the wrong decisions. So don’t forget your morals or anything, but today, when a decision comes up that causes you anxiety, worry or guilt, make the right decision, and do it fast. When emotion begins to build up, think of something else for a moment and let it dissolve.

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Today’s Resolution: Say Something Nice to Everyone You Meet

Compliments rock, right? When someone says “hey I like your shoes” or “have you lost weight” it’s pretty hard not to like that person. Suddenly, Suzie-chews-with-her-mouth-open isn’t so bad and when someone calls her out in a gossip gab-fest you find yourself saying the famous line of, “well she’s always been really nice to me”.

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Today’s Resolution: Make Yourself Laugh

Your number one goal today is to laugh. Faking a laugh would be fun (to watch) and all but let’s face it — there’s a junkload more ways to slap a toothy grin on your face. Watch a funny movie, go see a comedy show, think of a handful of funny things that always make you laugh out loud, read Twitter, read Facebook, watch silly cat videos, browse DamnYouAutocorrecteBaum’s World, and about a billion memes out there. You’ve got an arsenal, now laugh your brains out!

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Today’s Resolution: Be a Tourist in Your Own City

In 50 years, your town/city will probably look nothing like it does now. And how much do you really know about where you live? Do you know how your city was founded, any weird laws that haven’t been revoked yet, or which hotel in town is haunted? Have you visited all of the parks and statues, and read all of the plaques? In most cases, the answer to this bag of questions is probably a consolidated “no”. That’s cool.

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Today’s Resolution: Let Go of a Grudge, Even If You Do It Privately

There’s somebody in your life that needs to be forgiven. Not for their sake, but for yours. Maybe they’re a coward, a cheat, a liar, or maybe they pulled down your pants in gym class twenty years ago. It doesn’t matter if they’ve affected your life recently or if their wrongdoing has hurt you for your entire life. Today’s resolution is to let go.

Let’s be realistic, whatever it is that you’re holding onto isn’t hurting them. They’re not the ones thinking about it. It’s probably not even upsetting them and it’s definitely not ruining their life (except in certain circumstances, of course).

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Today’s Resolution: Learn To Love a New Ingredient

The days that I discovered garlic, strawberries, goat cheese and pickles were probably the most blissful days of my food-consuming life and it’s a bummer that I can’t recall them. In an effort to recapture those taste-budding moments, we have a resolution that asks us all to learn to love a new ingredient.

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Today’s Resolution: Give Yourself Alone Time

Even though having a kick-butt significant other, child, best friend or roommate is super-duper great—sometimes alone time is good for the soul. There are things you don’t (usually) do with other people that are great stress-busting, independence building activities that we often forget about in our daily lives. A bath, for example, might be a distant memory. Or perhaps, driving alone and singing at the top of your lungs on a backroad where nobody can see or hear you. Maybe you’ve been wanting to cut your nails or dye your hair or wash your car. Alone time is a fundamental element of individuality, so today your resolution is to take that time.

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Today’s Resolution: Write a (Disposable) Love Letter

Saint Valentine’s Day is technically a Christian holiday meant to honor Saint Valentine, but was deleted from the Catholic books back in 1969 (appropriate?) by the Pope and has since been celebrated by anyone and everyone ever since.

Generally, the “holiday” is meant to show that special someone that you love them. Or rather, since you may do that every day, it’s an excuse to show them a little extra appreciation. Or even more accurately, it’s an excuse to eat heart-shaped red-velvet cupcakes and eat a fancy dinner. And who can hate that?

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